Friday, June 08, 2007

R.N. Adventures Part Deux...

Got to be the RN today at school for the second time yesterday. Had a little dressed...put on my fuchsia cape and off I went to face the day. Who knew it would be soooo eventful??! I was sitting in the office waiting for the first bell to ring so I could go in the teachers lounge and find a muffin when a lady came in. I was feeling very official so I told her in my best RN voice, "well good morning! Can I help you??" She looked at me and kinda slid herself over to the couch and started moaning. I wasn't feeling very official anymore so I told her that the real RN wasn't in today and an emergency wasn't really in the cards for me this morning since I hadn't had a muffin yet, could she please come back tomorrow. She didn't buy it and kept thrashing around and moaning. She told me she felt like she was gonna faint and that her head hurt. Her voice was all slurred and she looked white as a ghost. I zeroed in on her and asked her the most important question all RN's ask at these times..."You're not gonna throw up are you, cause I am a sympathy thrower-upper and I'll lose it with you if you do. Please for the love of God in the heavens above don't throw up!!!" Then I ran to get the vice-principal. We assessed the situation..which entailed the vice-principal asking her questions while I looked on and bit my nails. It was decided that the ambulance should come and that I should try and track down the hubby by phone. I had to leave a message on his work phone. Probably sounded a little something like this...
"Hello, this is Dawn..the substitute nurse for the day...your wife has fallen ill and we are sending for the ambulance. She has really inconvenienced me and totally messed with my chi, if she throws up you'd better have a chocolate chip muffin with you dude or you are sooooooo screwed!! Have a good day and Peace Out, Word To Your Mother."
Then while the lady was passed out on the couch I awaited the police and an ambulance. I had to keep the door closed for privacy sake.

side note: Yes I know I just said privacy and here I am blogging about it but if you think I'm passing up this post you are sadly mistaken!! :)

On with the story. The police come and start taking a report asking the feeling faint lady all kinds of stupid questions. I am smiling at all the people peeking in the door and feeling important. Every couple of minutes someone would poke their head around the door and whisper to me.."what's going on??" I would have to gently shake my head and tell them that they were not in the know and that they should shut the door cause they were blocking the view of all the others walking by and they were missing the opportunity to see me being important.
The lady finally got taken to the hospital and all is now well. Just a touch of dehydration. I got a muffin and life went on. Since I was now experienced with fainting and near death experiences I took it upon myself to walk the hall ways and ask teachers if they had any emergencies cause I was there for them if they did.
All in all it was a quiet day. I had to send two little one's home with some type of bug, I had a fat lip to deal with and a zillion ice packs to give out.
Today I am subbing for 4th grade. I plan on stopping each one of the little darlings at the door and asking them if they plan on having any emergencies or if they feel like they are going to throw up. If any of them say yes I am going to leave the tallest kid in charge and head to the teachers lounge in search of the biggest muffin I can find and hang out there all day long. :)
Have a great Friday everyone!!!
Peace out!


Shelina said...

I just love reading your blog. I'd send my daughter to you any day. I'll have to talk to the lady at the muffin cart, cause I don't make my own.

Jenna said...

You are just TOO funny!! I'm glad you had a great day....after the emergency!

Tracey @ozcountryquiltingmum said...

Next it will be cyber health guru-"call Dr.Dawn with all your health worries. She will be able to decide whether to prescribe Muffins or an ice-pack in the blink of an eye."