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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Grocery Store Debacle....

The other day I took my son to the grocery store. The cupboards were bare at Chez' Owens so we were gonna hit it and hit it hard.

When we walked into the store it was packed. All of the retirees had come to shop. No problem since retirees like to talk and if there is something I like to do it's talk to strangers in the grocery store! :)

So there we were. I had a cart. The Son had a cart. Everything was going good. We laughed. We talked. We moved out of the way of the lady with the blue hair who was taking no prisoners. It was shopping at it's finest. Isle 8 is where the cranberry juice is. I loves me some cranberry juice. Goes great with a leeetle bit of that wondrous thing called Cranberry Vodka.



I will now take a second for us all to shout " Hail to the cranberry vodka!"


Carrying on.....as I reached for the cranberry juice my stomach all of the sudden said "Heeeeeeeelllllllllllllllloooooo" and I thought I was going to be ill. Violently. The never can I show my face again in this here town kind of ill. I dug in the cart and opened up the box of Gas-X. Oh yes I did. And can I just say that nothing embarrasses a kid more then when you jump in a grocery cart, root around, find the Gas-X, hold it up and shout "HALLELUJAH!!"
We waited a couple of minutes to see if the pill was gonna work its magic. My stomach said to me "I SAID HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO!!!"

I told my son to stay with the carts and ran to the bathroom. Nothing. I looked in the mirror and noticed I was kind of pale. I walked back to The Son and told him all was right once again and for us to carry on. Then people we get to the dairy isle. I turned around to reach for the coffee creamer.....you know the kind....the kind in the large bottle that says yummy/scrumptious things like "toffee" or "caramel".... as I reach for the creamer I felt dizzy all of the sudden and had to swallow like a ma-zillion times cause it was gonna happen!!! I looked at the poor man standing next to me whose wife had sent him to get the coffee creamer as well and he was looking at me like this.....



horrified.





I heard my son take a deep breath as he readied himself for the horror that was about to happen. I just stood there in shock staring at the man and thinking to myself "Self, what you got yourself here is probably that there Pigeon Flu and you need to fortify your loins cause this chain't gone-be pretty." Seems that when I am about to get sick in the dairy isle my inner hillbilly comes out.

Thankfully, after a couple of deep breaths, I got myself together and crisis number 2 passed. But let me tell you, we finished the rest of our shopping in a blur. I threw whatever was in front of me in the cart.....got to the checkout line and held on to the counter while my son loaded everything up....and kept asking me if I was okay. Then he ran to get the car while I stood outside with our bagger. We made it home with no further incidents.
I've been fine ever since. Crazy!!!
I am now scared to leave my home and will be staying indoors indefinitely.
heeheehee

12 comments:

Stephanie D. said...

That's the fastest bout of stomach flu I've ever heard of.

Moral of this story is to stay out of the cranberry juice aisle. And the dairy section, too.

Michelle said...

So WHAT THE HECK was THAT all about? What did you eat before you left home? SCARY!

Hope it hasn't returned.
Be blessed my wild and crazy friend!
Michelle

Chocolate Cat said...

Mmmm not sure your son is going to be volunteering to go anywhere with you again real soon!!! I once had an unfortuant incident when I couldn't make it from the bus stop to home and just had to make use of someone's garden. I was so sick I didn't feel bad about it for days!

Tiki said...

Sorry about your sickness!! I hope you're feeling better tomorrow too!

quiltmamajb said...

Hilarious account of a dodgy situation - hope you're feeling better. And a big amen to the 'Hail to Cranberry Vodka' - thank goodness for the inner hillbilly! One of those things in life to make us chuckle....take care and maybe think about rotating grocery stores...piece.

Micki said...

Hope you are feeling better soon! What a story!
Micki

mascanlon said...

Oh Ok, so its probably a bad thing to laugh out loud when your firned is describing be sick...but I confess I did. It was the thought of son's face that did it. Hope you're feeling better still.

Leigh said...

Are you preggers?!

Leigh said...

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"

Glenn said...

I am sure one of the many retirees had some super secret cure, or at least a flask with something yummy in it. I am glad however, that you were able to make it home and are now feeling better.

Rebekah said...

Dawny Doodles!!! Just thinking about you... though I am glad you are feeling much better and please don't hold it against the cranberries!!!!

Maria said...

I've had that happen exactly ONCE and it was so odd and so horrible, exactly as you described. And I haven't had it since...so it must be some sort of phantom stomach virus thingee. Well, that is the medical term anyway...