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Friday, June 29, 2007

A letter of confession to my mother.......

I am the oldest and only girl in my family of 6. I have three younger brothers. The 4 of us are so different I don't know how my mom coped when we were growing up. I was cleaning my house thinking about them and wondering how my mom seemed to love us all in equal measures when it hit me. In every family there is a Golden Child. You all know what I am talking about. The one who can do no wrong. Who excels at everything. Has flawless features....ect ect ect
Well I am thinking it should be me. And since I know exactly how many grey hairs I put on my mothers head I was also thinking I may need a little leverage. So here is an open letter to my mom...trying to tip the scales in my favor. Ahem..
Dear Mom,
I am writing to tell you of my deepest desire. I wish to be the Golden Child in the family. I know, I know, you are thinking back to my wild youth. But wait!!! There are things about the boys you don't know!!! I feel in the interest of fairness, before you judge us, you should know them. (insert diabolical laughter) Your oldest son, the one we call the Corporate Man is actually the head of a drug cartel. Yep. I know it's hard to believe. He only had the twins and sweet Valerie as a smokescreen. He figured we'd be so dazzled by their cuteness we'd overlook a few things. He is a drug lord. His street name is actually Fuzzy Navel. And your middle son...the Free Spirit of the bunch is his muscle. Uh-huh. Don't let the sweet disposition fool you. Many an unsuspecting person is at the bottom of Lake Erie due to him. The tattoos he got are actually a map. He knows that eventually Fuzzy Navel will get caught and he is having the Chicago Jail Escape Route slowly tattooed over his body so he can go in and set him free. Where do you think the show Prison Break came up with the idea?? His street name is Melodious Maniac. I get shivers just typing that name. He is the scourge of all Illinois. Oldest brother just has to snap and the Melodious Maniac is sent out to dispense justice and collect on long overdue bribe money. Youngest son is the money man behind them. All those computers you bought for him?? Well that's how he keeps track of their drug laundering schemes. His street name is Mole in the Hole. In fact he is down there right now getting together a meeting of the minds.
I have another confession for you, dear Mother of ours. All those times you thought I was sneaking around trying to see my one true love?? Well they actually made me do those things. See if I was in trouble all of the time you wouldn't look to closely at them. Even in grade school our little Fuzzy Navel was busy getting his gang in order. So you see it wasn't my fault. I actually wanted to be good but THEY wouldn't let me.
I am going to give you a moment to collect yourself. I know all of this information is hard to take in at once. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. This is why I think you should love me the most. Take your time making your decision. I will wait an eternity for you.
All my love,
The Innocent One.

To my brothers................... BOO-YA BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

My Darling Daughter, Of course I love you the most. You have mad my life so full. You kept your dad and I on our toes when you were growing up. You are so attentive and loving. You are the most exciting,creative and loving mother to your children. The Captain couldn't have attained his HUGE status without your complete devotion. When the Lord sent us the list of childrens names, we picked you, and we have not been sorry for even a moment. Oh, I forgot. Sorry,I just remembered, we love first son the most. He is exciting, strong of character, he loves life and has made us so proud. Oh, I forgot. Sorry, I just remembered, we love 2nd son the most. He is full of hope, sensitive, loving and the best friend anyone one could have. He has made us so proud. Oh, I forgot. Sorry, I just remembered. We love 3rd son the most. He is creative, calm, funny and a little bit of heaven. He has made us proud. Oh, I forgot. Sorry, I just remembered, We love Bruno the most. He is loyal, bright, happy, he only barks when there is a good reason. He doesn't require to much, just a full bowl of food, a few treats and fresh water twice a day. Oh, I forgot. We love you all the same. Some days it is your turn, other days 1st son, 2nd son and 3rd son have their turn. Oh, wasn't God smart when he made children. There are special traits to all of you. There are so many reasons to love all of you in a very special way. So, my Daughter the brilliant bogster. I LOVE YOU BESTEST RIGHT NOW. Oh, I forgot...

JudyL said...

You are bad!! But after reading you mom's response, I suppose you got it honestly! :)

Ms. Jan said...

The acorn sure didn't fall from the oak, did it??? You are too funny!