BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Friday, February 20, 2009

To Whom It May Concern.....

Dear Slasher/Rapist/Serial Killer Type Person Who Opened Our Screen Door This Morning,

Ahem. Listen very carefully. I do not have any money. What I do have is a special set of skills that makes someone like me a nightmare for someone like you.
See, you walked past our house early early this morning and thought to yourself..."Hmmmm this is where that nice housewife/quilter lives. I think I should see if she left her door open so I can go in her house and rob her." Bad idea. You think I'm nice. You are so very mistaken. You know what you would have gotten if you would've come in the house of this housewife/quilter? Close your eyes and imagine 100 quilters standing outside of a wonderful little store called Hancock's of Paducah. Can you see them?? How cute are they with their matching bags, quilted vests and comfy tennis shoes on. Now imagine that the store owner opens the door and makes an announcement. He tells these mild manner ladies that Hancock's of Paducah is having a sale. That every single bolt of fabric is, for one day only, 75% off. Oh, and with every $50 you spend you can pick out a pattern for free. Got that picture. Then imagine he tells them they may now begin shopping and also see with your tiny little eye what happens to him when he stands in their way.
Yep, they stomp all over him. This, my robber friend, is what will happen to you if come back here.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

9 comments:

Aunt Joan said...

Well Darling, I can't believe that you & my Gym shoe just celebrated the big 20. Where has the time gone? Congrats to both of you and I'm glad you went out to celebrate together.
Love ya, Aunt Joan

Anonymous said...

you forgot to mention that had he come in you would have been wielding your rotary cutter and stiletto. =)

Quiltin' LibraryLady said...

It's a good thing your dog scared him off. He probably won't come back now, knowing there's a dog to alert the family. And, you don't have to be nice where robbers are concerned even though all us quilters know you are nice. Keep that rotary cutter & stiletto handy, just in case.

Jodi said...

You do not lack for excitement at your house now do you? Ye gads!

blue hose said...

You have the most random and interesting adventures! No furniture for months, running over cute little old ladies, cars not shipped on time, and now people breaking in? I so want to be your shadow at times just for the thrill ride! Thanks for the bday wishes!

Leigh said...

WOW! Dogs do scare off any robbers! Did you call the base police to let them know that this was going on? Because they may know about a problem and/or they will patrol more. You have to call!

Leigh said...

'Cause I know you didn't call!

Kim said...

What they said--yep, the rotary cutter. THAT's my weapon of choice! LOL!

Chocolate Cat said...

What a vision that is???? You also forgot to mention the animals and children that will attack!!!!