As we are waiting at the meat counter with all 645 other mountain/hunters in full camouflage gear/slasher type people I got a little tingly feeling at the base of my neck. Now int-netz I am a child of Oprah. For years I was a devout follower and I know that when you have a tingly feeling at the base of your neck that means that a murderer is close by. Of course Oprah calls it your "hmmmmmmm something is not right" feeling but she really means that a murderer is close by and you should run RUN ham hocks be damned!
Now I was at one end of the meat counter and the hubby was at the other. He had gotten all enthralled by the sirens call of beef and had left me. I looked around to see why I was getting the tingly-murderer is close by feeling when I saw this man looking at me. It wasn't a "Hey! What a cutie that girl is!!" It wasn't a " HMMMMM white girl with black man....bad!" look either. It was just a really weird blank stare. I looked away and pretended to be oh so intrigued by a packet of something called "Salt chure deer meat and the wimmin will come a'runnin" and when I peeked to see if he was still looking? He was. I looked behind me cause maybe he was aiming his dead blank stare to some other unlucky person. But guess what?? There was no one else behind me. I decided to hide in an isle. Not that Oprah ever suggested that hiding in the cereal isle when you are about to be attacked, is a good idea but I needed to give the man time to be distracted by something else. When I got tired of reading cereal boxes I fought my way over to the the hubby. I figured the weird Freddy Kruger man would see that I was well protected and would stalk someone else. Nope. He kept looking. I thought about telling my hubby but the man hadn't really done anything. I just kept getting an icky feeling. And ladies, would my husband understand The Wisdom Of Oprah and how I was having a Hmmmmmmmmm Moment?? No. He would walk over to the icky little man and ask him if he was staring at his wife and if so could he knock it off cause he was giving her the heebie-jeebies. And really.....the area of town we were in...well let us just say that I didn't want to stand out any more then we already were. I only break out the black belt moves when needed and on one cup of coffee.....me loins weren't nearly fortified enough.
Our number was called while I was wrestling with what to do so we ordered our ham hocks. Paid for them and got in the car. I told the Major about all of my thoughts. He looked around the parking lot to see if I was being stalked but nope. No icky murdering man had followed us out to the store. And why I felt the need to share this loooooong and sordid tale I do not know.
It's just me looking for the silver lining in things....see......escaping a murder/slasher?? WIN WIN!! Yeah Me! Looking for the good in life!!! :)
Anyway!!! so tonight I am still alive and well in Ohio. Let this be a lesson to all you ladies out there. If a very tiny-weird-murderer-slasher type person stares a death ray stare at you, just do what I did.
Hide in the cereal isle. Works every time. And yes, that is the moral of this story. giggle