Friday, December 14, 2007

Are you there God, it's me Dawn....

Dear God,
How art Thou?? I have a quick question for You. Why cramps?? I know Eve ate the apple and tempted Adam to do the same so now all women everywhere are smited and our teeth must gnash when we go through childbirth. But God. Why oh why didest thou decidest on the whole cramps thing?? When I have cramps I get crabby. This morning my girls slid against the wall as I walked past and when I went to walk in the living room they yelled to their brother, "BOMB IN THE HOLE!" That was his cue to dive to safety, which he did. I saw legs and feet as he did a perfect swan dive behind the couch. Even the dog is cowering in fear of me. My tummy hurts Lord and I am none to happy about it. I feel as if my insides are about to slid to the floor and run screaming down the street while I stand there in a stupor. Oh, and....AND I have to wrap stinking Christmas presents at the store this morning for our wives group. All I have to say about that is everyone better like my wrapping or they will die. Nuff said! I have taken a container of motrin, have 7000 stick on heating pads and will be wearing comfy pants. None of this is giving me any comfort so God, I have a request of Thouest...when I get to Heaven may I punch Eve in the nose?? Not hard..just a quick tap. It would make me feel a lot better if I could do this one small thing. I then promise to behave for the whole of eternity and not Tee-Pee King David's mansion or anything. I will not ding-dong-ditch the matter how much fun it would be to see Paul standing at the door in his pajama's wondering who it is. (I hear he wears teddy bear pj's!) I especially promise not to bother You about the whole Dinosaur thingie...even though you know that is the first question on my list of things to know when I get "up there".
Thank you God for listening to my wants and needs. I am going to lay here in my comfy bed, with my large jersey on propped up with many pillows while I await for You to send me some pain relief.

All my admiration,

p.s. I WOULD like to say that I think you did a bang up job on the whole making coffee beans thing!

p.p.s Could You please put the idea in my hubby's head that he should really get me the sewing machine I want for Christmas...I mean after you take care of the war and world hunger and prejudice and hate and disease and crime and the Clintons.


The Jen said...

Holy Smokes that was funny! good one. ~jen~

ps. Let me know if He writes back. :)

Tracey @ozcountryquiltingmum said...

Have you tried any of the hormone evener outerers? I am the same age as you and the grumps were starting to last longer and take more prisoners a few years ago, I went onto some '30 plus' tablets and was a new woman...cramps and grumps reduced and quite and easy and safe tablet...worth keeping the relationship with the family, that's for sure! Hardly have to take them much any more as the system is more even, Tracey

QuiltingFitzy said...

Well you could be 50, and having "ceased", be plucking random chin hairs.

I heard it in the girl's room of course, and have no personal knowledge

Elaine Adair said...

Great entertainment reading, not so great entertainment HAVING!

I seem to remember some improvement with Vitamin B during the month. Other than that, just stay busy, and take lots of Ibuprofen. FEeel better soon.