Monday, January 05, 2009

Seeing an old friend...

When my hubby was young his family was close with another military family. They had an assignment or two together and over the years kept in touch. We found out when we moved here that they were only an hour from us. The hubby called and made a date for us to go to Columbus and meet with them. Her husband had died a while ago but the woman he always considered an aunt was still alive and feisty. Her oldest son was a doctor and the youngest was doing well with a new baby. The MD is the one my hubby remembered best as they are the same age. We got directions to his house and hit the road yesterday. After an hour or so in the car we pull up to a gorgeous 4 story brick home and knocked on the door. He answered and as the hellos were being said he introduced us to his significant other. A man.

Now let me stop here and tell you all a little story I've been thinking about since then. When our son was a year and a half old we got pregnant. We were so excited to be having another little one and couldn't wait for our family to grow. We lived in Florida at the time. When I was three months along the hubby had to go out in the field for a couple of days for a training exercise. I woke up the second morning to horrific cramps. It was two days before Thanksgiving. I kept thinking that if I got up and stretched a bit, maybe made the bed, that the cramps would go away. I had a hard time getting up and started to feel a little nervous. I called my best friend at the time (she lived just across the street) and told her that I thought I was losing my baby and could she come over to get The Son. She told me that her mother in law was in town and they had plans to get some shopping and cooking done. She wanted to be all ready for Thanksgiving with her family. How nice for her. I then called the hubbys work and told them what was going on. They had someone find him so he could come home and take me to the hospital. It took two hours. I was so young and wasn't sure what to do. I waited for him while my baby played with his toys. We went to the hospital to be informed it was a tubal pregnancy and I was rushed to surgery. I stayed in the hospital for 7 days. No, my friend didn't come to visit. She had family to entertain. I did make a friend with the woman in the bed next to me though. We were separated by a curtain. I needed someone to talk to during those lonely nights and told her of my loss. She was much older then I was and when we shared why we were in the hospital she was just so nice to me and very caring. She called me honey. Since my own mom was many States away it gave me comfort. When my husband would visit we would talk through the curtain like old friends. She was wonderful. Two days before I was to be discharged the orderly opened up the curtain. Since they were always checking on her they wanted to keep the curtain closed to give her privacy. She wasn't always able to be covered. Because she was much better they could open the curtain and we could finally meet face to face. We were very excited to meet "the voice" on the other side. I will never forget her face when she saw that my husband wasn't exactly the color she figured on. She was shocked into silence. She didn't speak to me or look at me for the next two days. I will never forget that look. What had changed for her? We were still the same people that had been talking and laughing with her for 5 whole days. We had talked about children, spouses, moving around due to the military. We shared so much. She called me honey. And then when she SAW us things changed.
I thought about that day when my husbands old friend introduced us to his partner. The one he shares his life with. I saw the discomfort on his face as he wondered how we would react. My children? Never batted an eyelash. They didn't even pause. It made me want to scoop them up and hug the living daylights out of them. As the two men gave us the tour of their gorgeous home the five of us went from room to room. None of the kids gave them a second look. They didn't eyeball each other with a "wah??" look. There was no surprise at the picture with them standing with arms around each other. In the car The Boo-Bear says to me "momma...were they TOGETHER????!" I told her that they were and we'd talk about it later. Then we drove to The Aunts house and had dinner with everyone. It was just a really nice day. We have plans for the 4 of us to get together and see a theatre show in February. The hubby and I are celebrating 20! years of married life on Valentines day and I'd like to do something special.

I don't know why all of this is on my mind today. As I was making the bed upstairs I was going over the day yesterday and just wanted to share a little slice of my life with you guys out there.

Everyone has different opinions, it's what makes life interesting. We don't always have to agree 100% but maybe if more people took the time to "consider" ........well then. Wouldn't things be better.


Leigh said...

Well said. I don't know why people act the way they do. Maybe it is fear? Of course the way those people are raised has a lot to do with it. I am an exception, because I heard all kinds of nasty things from my grandfather and father. I would always just close my eyes at some of the things that were said. "Narrow pea brains", I thought. So, I didn't turn out like that and I am raising my kids with open minds. People are people.

There are good people and then just trash, of all races and kinds. I don't know if the world will ever come together. But I can hope.

Chocolate Cat said...

Wow what wonderful kids you have raised! You must be so proud of them. How lovely for the Capt to catch up with these friends from his childhood and how nice that you have planned ahead to catch up again. We are celebrating our 20 year anniversary in February too!!

Jodi said...

I am anxious for the day when these types of relationships won't even be worth a second glance. I am sure that day is coming.

You have done a wonderful job with your kiddos. You just saw a little proof of that. :)

Lauren The Artist said...

I hope my kids are open-minded and confident children, too. I'm doing the best I can. I bet that house was AWESOME!

Congrats on 20 years. Thats wonderful.

Jeanne said...

Sending you a big {{HUG}} for this one, sweetie!
Inch by inch, maybe the world is improving. One of the three basic rules of life I taught my boys was: Everybody's Special. Sounds like your three learned that rule too :)

Mary Johnson said...

I think reading about your friend was the most disturbing to me - I just can't imagine her not coming to help you.

I think there will always be narrow minded people who will not accept those different than nice that your children are not among that number - I worked hard to make sure my boys weren't either.

My Thanh said...

Yeah for you and your kids! Some of my inlaw's family are very intolerent, and I hate for my kids to be around them much since they say the most shocking things. They say it in front of their kids since they expect them to parrot their beliefs.

But it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round, and if you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you!

Norma said...

I think the military life taught my kids a lot about acceptance. When we live on base we lived by a assortment of cultures and really learned and grew from that. I had a friend from Greece, a friend from Spain and one from England. The kids went to school with KIDS, no one was treated any different because of color or culture. Rank was something the parents were aware of, but rarely the kids.

I was upset that your neighbor wouldn't help. We all have busy lives but when someone needs us nothing is more important.

Anonymous said...

Remember your toothache in So Ko, how Ms. Leigh was there with you until your hubby d arrived??? Lesson I'll never forget! Good job with the kiddos, love is special and when people are blessed and they find it, who are we to judge.

mascanlon said...

Lovely story Dawn...about your family and kids that is, not the friend who wasn't there for you. My daughter and her partner had a little girl this year, Annika is 9 months old and the light of everyone's life in the family. But I still watch carefully when we're out together for anyone to be rude or intolerant of all my girls. Thank you and your DH for raising a family I'm proud to know...even if only on the web.

Mary Alice said...

That was really a beautiful story. It made me cry. I know your attitude made a world of difference to your friends. Being loved and respected for the person you are in your heart and mind, not your color, gender or sexual orientation makes all the difference in the world.

And your "friend" who had to go shopping and cook? I hope that experience changed her for the better.

Linda said...

Just catching up on blogs and got to the G's lol
First I want to say, sorry for not keeping up. Secondly... there are days that I wish everyone was born blind. I am so sorry that you had to go through that experience. I can say, it was probably not the first, and probably will not be the last. There was once a bumper sticker that to this day still makes me laugh: "It is illegal to shoot small minded people" :D
Thirdly... I hope since then you have found better or should I say TRUE friends!!
Thank you for sharing! I know sometimes it is hard to "go out on a limb" and share personal stuff, but by doing so online becomes just a neighbor away :)